a grand entrance

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Sweet Selah,

The night you entered our lives is a memory that will forever be engrained in my heart. This is your story, my girl. The story of the day God brought you earthside, I hope to carry His love and gospel to the next generation.

I remember the moment I found out you existed in my body. I wanted you. I wanted another baby so bad. Your daddy wanted you. The month before, I held up a pregnancy test every which way to a vast array of lighting in hopes of finding that magical line. I was heartbroken to not find one.

The next month, there it was. I Facetimed your Aunt Greer immediately, because she had been on the roller coaster ride with me and I was excited to inform my best friend so we could come up with ways to tell your dad.

Your pregnancy was much smoother than it was with Ezra. I didn’t have much morning sickness and carried on as usual.

In retrospect, I was afraid for most of it. I had had people close to me experience the loss of a baby or a miscarriage. I was afraid that would happen to me too and tried not to get too attached just yet. I hate that I spent the first half being afraid. But oh! Then I felt your first kicks. I was taking a bath when I felt you. It was just you and me. God sent me your kicks at the perfect time in order to calm my fears.

Most of your pregnancy was smooth. I had had a natural birth without drugs with your brother, and wanted that for you as well. The benefits of going natural seemed to outweigh medicated births for myself, but mostly for you! Unfortunately, I learned that I had placenta previa and there were talks of C-section, should it not move. This made me nervous, because I had desired to have a natural birth for the sake of my baby. Your daddy prayed over my belly. My midwife gave me a reassuring hug as I cried in her arms. She had the same thing happen to her and it ended with a healthy home birth! I was so encouraged and knew she was sent by the Lord to reassure me. Her hug was like a hug from God to remind me that all would be well. (And my placenta finally moved! It beat the statistics of when it usually moves!)

About 7 days before your birth, I had a small fall and felt like my pelvic floor had ripped open. I spent the next 24 hours in bed trying to recover and rest. I went to see my midwife and she assured me that you were okay and that you had plenty of amniotic fluid. About 2 days later, I started noticing more fluid that usual was escaping me. I kept calling my midwives and then would change my mind and think everything was fine. Finally on the 5th day of leaking, a midwife asked me to come in to just be sure everything was alright.

Side note: this group of midwives were phenomenal. The love and care they had for me throughout both of my pregnancies was incredible. They would see me in the middle of the night if I had any concerns. I love them and I am so grateful that they helped bring you into this world.

I went in to the birthing center around 12 p.m. to go check to see if my water was broken. Sure enough, it was. Since it had been over 24 hours with broken water, I was to be sent to the hospital immediately in case you or I developed an infection from the sac being broken so long.

I scurried home to throw things in a hospital bag, called your daddy, and called your Papa to come meet me at the hospital to pick up Ezra.

I was so glad to be transferred into the care of hospital midwives because I knew they would try to help me achieve as natural a birth as possible without drugs.

Around 4 p.m., a midwife came in and informed me of what was to happen. They were going to try to induce me with a balloon that dilates the cervix. They said that doesn’t USUALLY kickstart labor (but it can) and after that they would start trying different drugs. (cervadil and then pitocin I think, not that you care.)

I was determined to have a drug-free birth and the Lord knew the desires of my heart! I knew that moving around and not laying down would be more likely to help you get into a position to want to be birthed. I did NOT. LAY. DOWN. I put on worship music and danced and swayed. I walked the halls. I bounced on a birthing ball. (Aunt Greer showed up in the middle of this with the most glorious muffins to snack on pre and post birth, by the way. She and Uncle Drew surprised us!)

I remember a nurse walking in and I was incredibly discouraged and thinking I would have to go the route of using drugs. I asked her what the chances are of me going into labor with the balloon alone and she was not reassuring and it sounded like it rarely did. Little did I know, I was having steady contractions at that moment. I had come to terms with the fact that I might need drugs to get you out of there, but I was still determined!

Contractions started coming hard and fast. Since my water was broken, the contractions were especially painful. I am so grateful that they began without any drugs! That was a gift from God to me!

I was nervous about having a new set of midwives and nurses around me. People that I didn’t know. But the Lord sent me an angel in the form of a nurse to comfort me through that! She was singing worship music right alongside me and praying with me and I think I tuned everyone out but her. She got the rest of her births covered so she could come stay by my side.

I told another nurse that I was ready to push and she doubted it and didn’t even check to see what was happening. I just remember thinking, “Well, I’m pushing, sooo….”

Sure enough, she was WRONG and I was indeed in active labor and was starting to push. Active labor lasted 45 minutes total with you. During your birth and your brother’s, the only drug I accepted was citrus oxide, because it is apparently safe during birth. I requested it and it helped so much with the pain but still allowed me to feel everything and push effectively.

In the 4th hour of the morning, you finally made your appearance. And the size of my heart multiplied.

They placed you on my chest and you weren’t crying at all. You were calm in the midst of the chaos. I think I even asked if anything was wrong because you weren’t crying. I’ve come to learn that that is just your personality.

You are almost a year old now and you are still the calm in the midst of the chaos. You are incredibly sweet and bubbly. You are full of joy! You are full of joy no matter the circumstance. You are independent and yet full of cuddles. You go with the flow and love your family.

I am so grateful that God blessed us with you. You are a gift from Him that we feel undeserving of. You are the perfect addition to our family. We love you, sweet girl. I pray you glorify His name all the days of your life. I’m so glad you are here..


Protected: hard and magical.

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zach-lucero-799059-unsplashPhoto by Zach Lucero

Having a child makes your heart swell with pride. You think they are undoubtedly the most special person on the planet. At only a year old, you think they are special enough to attend Harvard or become an Olympic athlete.

On the flip side, sometimes your pride is deflated when you doubt your parenting skills and pride transforms into self denigration. “Did I read enough books to her today?” “I can’t believe I let her watch an entire movie.” “I yelled at her and now she is going to hate me forever and turn to a life that ends up with her in prison.”

You also might tend to compare your parenting to the parenting of your friends. You compare your babies to their babies. You measure up, you tear down, you swell with pride. “She lets her daughter sleep in her bed. I would never do that! I’m the best mom.” “Her kids have nicer clothes than mine and my kids have snot running down theirs. I’m the worst.” “Her son is a brat. It’s probably because she never did baby-wearing.” “My daughter is so much better at sports than hers!” “My daughter rolled over before her daughter!” “Her son is so smart and getting A’s. Mine is struggling to get a C.”

I mean, guys, you know I could go on and on and on and on. Right? You do this in your brain? Or is it just me? .. Bueller?

I get it. You love your kid. You love your kid possibly more than anyone on this planet.

But how much pride, is TOO much pride? How much self-hate is too much self-hate? How much comparing is too much comparing?

All of it. It’s exhausting to go from the highs to the lows. “She’s better! She’s worse! Her kid is better! Her kid is worse!”

Just stop. And rest in the way the Lord views it all.

Philippians 2:3 says, “Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.” The version we have on a kid’s CD in our car is, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, rather in humility value others above yourself.”

Humility. To have the correct view of yourself, others, your children, their children, and God. To value others. To value the other mom. To value her child. To love them. To look deeply at how much they love their own child. To look deeply at how much your friend is trying to be the best mother she can be. To look at her child like your own.

I also want my kids to have humble hearts.

Can you imagine the pressure they feel if we are sending them the message that they can be valued more or less than others? They need to know that their worth isn’t dependent on when they first rolled over, or what grades they get, or how wonderful or terrible they are at sports, or how much money they have. They need to know that they are deeply loved with an unconditional love that is fueled by Jesus.

They need to deeply care for and love their friends that AREN’T great at sports or academics and view them as just as valuable as themselves. They need to look to the interests of their peers. They need to lift up their friends. I certainly don’t want a child that is puffed up with pride or tears down the beautiful soul God created in them. I desire humility for them.

So encourage the mama that is doing things a little differently than you and stop thinking of things as better or worse than. What is better for her family, might be worse for yours. Deep down, you know she is madly in love with her child. You know God gave her the tools to parent her child. She is praying for her baby. She is tucking them in at night with a hug and a kiss. She is trying to figure out how to steward this little life God blessed her with. Cherish her. Cherish her child. Love and care for them! I mean, really LOVE and CARE. Jesus cares for them and listens, and aren’t we trying to be more like Him?

Processed with VSCO with x1 presetThe path to believing you are a bad mother is frequently travelled. There are a plethora of questions you can ask to doubt yourself

•Am I doing enough educational activities?

•Am I using the best brand of diapers?

•Am I balancing work and family well?

The world provides you with a never-ending list of things you should be achieving. You can become filled with doubt and guilt.

I could easily allow myself to believe the lies, and occasionally I do. But I recently had an experiential epiphany that has instead led me to believe that I am indeed a pretty good mother. And I hope you can believe that about yourself as well.

I recently returned home from a shopping trip in a car filled with Christmas gifts. My son was buckled in nice and snug in his car seat with a fuzzy blanket to keep him warm. Nat King Cole’s “The Christmas Song” was playing ever so softly on the radio. I peered back to see my son’s eyes drifting off as he fought the urge to fall asleep.

It was a beautiful moment. So beautiful, in fact, that I felt the need to record it on my phone. I don’t want to forget that moment. As I replayed the video, I thought, “You know, I’m a pretty good mom.”

Here’s why.

There are many children in the world that don’t experience any form of love. Some are left in orphanages to learn that no one will attend to their cry. Some are abused physically or verbally. Some are treated as though they are a burden. Some have mothers that are addicted to drugs.

And here my son is. His mother covered him with a warm blanket  while it is cold outside, while he falls asleep to a gentle Christmas song. He has not ever known abuse or abandonment. He feels safe. He knows I will always be there for him when he calls out to me. And he is covered in love and affection daily.

He is so loved.

That’s probably the greatest gift you can give to your child next to the love of Christ.

I will fail at many things in the future. I’ll probably let some screen time go on for too long some days, I might regretfully raise my voice, I’ll forget about signing him up for some sports camp.

But I’ll always be a place he can feel warm, safe, and loved.

I think I’m a pretty good mom for that.

And you, reading this, chances are you’re a pretty good mom too.


the birth of Ezra. 

Perhaps I feel the need to pen down this event because it was so significant. So beautiful. The night I met my son will be forever engrained in my memory and I want to be able to recall every detail.

I was 41+ weeks pregnant and went to bed Saturday night feeling like tomorrow might be the day. I started feeling tiny stomach spasms but decided to pretend like nothing was happening, not tell my husband, and go to bed. Before I fell asleep, I prayed that the Lord would let me sleep through the night so that I would have strength for tomorrow! He gifted me with 7 great hours of sleep (ya know, with a quick pee break because a human being was crushing my bladder). 

I woke at 6 the next morning with light cramps and began timing them. I knew it was happening. I lay next to my husband but did not wake him. I wanted him to get great sleep as well because I knew he needed to be rested for the journey ahead. I laid there and prayed for the boy I was about to meet as contractions waved over me. I read scripture I had written out before to help me through this day.

Early in pregnancy, I had asked God what His will was for me for this birth. He so clearly led me down the path of trying natural childbirth. He reminded me that birth is not a disease but his original design. It is made more intense because of Eve and complications occasionally occur due to the fall, but it is still his design. I was open to any necessary interventions should I need them. Drugs, natural, c-section, all result in beautiful gifts from God and He is glorified in all situations. But I wanted to try. I wanted to try so I could have total dependence on God during birth. Dependence on him if things went smoothly and dependence if complications arose. {i also wanted to try naturally because of all the health benefits!} So here I laid, waiting to join the millions of women in history who had gone before me.

I finally woke Neil up 3 hours later at 9 a.m. I wanted to watch Parenthood with him while contractions were still light and I had to practically force him to sit still. He felt the need to do all sorts of chores. Take out the trash, make me a protein filled breakfast for energy, clean the backyard, put lunch in the crockpot. I literally begged him to watch tv with me. I texted our doula and called our midwife to let them know I was in labor. 

I was able to squeeze in 3 episodes of Parenthood before our doula came over. We all went for a walk around the block and things began to pick up. 

But I still managed to watch Fixer Upper. So basically, I just wanted to watch lots of T.V. at the beginning of labor to distract me.

I felt really ready for this. I researched many things about birth beforehand. I knew what was to come, assuming there were no complications. I suppose the knowledge of what I was about to endure helped keep me calm. 

Then my body just took over.

We finally made our way to the Fort Worth Birth Center around 6 p.m. I was greeted by our WONDERFUL midwife, Carla and our nurse. 

She took all my vitals and baby’s vitals. We were both healthy. Praise God! I labored standing up for awhile and finally made my way to the tub. Y’all, a hot bath is like nature’s epidural. The moment you hit the water, instant relief. (Kinda, I mean, there is still pain!) 

The atmosphere was idyllic. I had a pre-made worship playlist playing the whole time. The room was lit up by candlelight. Everyone whispered so I could tune in to the music. There was a thunderstorm all night (my favorite). 

I mean, don’t get me wrong, contractions were painful. Birth is hard work. But the night was so peaceful and the pain was manageable.

After 3 hours of pushing, yes, three hours, I wasn’t progressing much. My midwife checked on baby’s heartbeat often assuming his heart rate was surely changing due to stress from pushing so long. But nope. His heart rate was perfect each time. Little man was calm and collected in there. Since I wasn’t progressing, she asked me if I wanted to do side-squats on the stairs to help him drop further in the birth canal.

I wanted him out so bad at this point. I had reached the point of exhaustion. 

So. I. Did. Squats. 

Mid-labor. No drugs.

I would do a few squats then push. Oh man. That was probably the hardest thing I’ve done in my life. 

But it worked! He was finally ready to meet us earthside.

The song Beautiful by Phil Wickham was playing when I met my beautiful son. 

Neil caught his son, handed him to the midwife. And then I met him on my chest. It was magical. It was love.

I got to feed him almost immediately before he was measured, weighed, and had all his newborn tests right next to me. Neil helped weigh, I helped measure.

I ate a meal, we took an herbal bath, and then we headed home only a few hours after birth. 

The people that helped bring Ezra into the world were stellar. I can’t say enough great things about our midwife, doula, and nurse. They talked me through each contraction, never left my side, encouraged me, prayed for me, reminded me I could do it. My mom and sister in law were calming presences as well. Sometimes a grown girl still needs her mommy.

And my husband was the most supportive and encouraging person. I know in the movies, most women yell at their husbands and tell them not to touch them but I didn’t want him to leave my side. I wanted to hold his hand the whole time because he was my rock in that room. This was his son too and he wanted to help bring him safely into the world. He wanted to pray over us during labor. Oh I love that man. 

I felt the presence of God that night. The entire night I clung to him and relied on him. I constantly kept telling myself, “Sarah did this. Rachel did this. Hannah did this. Mary did this. Mary did this. Mary did this.” Mary did it for HER son, our savior. These women endured birth for the glory of God and I could too. Oh I held on tight to God that night. He was my pain relief. He was my help. He was my strength. He was my comfort. I will continue to cling to him throughout the life of my child.

The days that followed birth were challenging and painful. No one can truly prepare you for the care of a new child. I want to go back in time and hug brand new Mama Kendra and tell her it’s all going to be okay. But that’s another story for another time.

This is your birth story, Ezra. The night that a new definition of love entered our lives.

“A loving God would not allow bad things to happen to good people.”

photo-1429277005502-eed8e872fe52I hear you. I understand the confusion. The ways of God are difficult for us to wrap our brains around.

But that’s biblical faith, isn’t it?

Not understanding it all, and trusting Him still.

This is where He invites us in to know Him. He invites us to open up the words He strategically placed in the Bible so that we may understand Him more, even though we STILL will never understand Him fully until we enter the gates of heaven.

I have so often heard many statements questioning the goodness of God. And so often I want to point directly to scripture. And hear me say that I have been there. I have had doubts and questions. But as I seek to know Him more and actually read His word and read books or articles ABOUT His word instead of just guessing, I understand Him more.

“A loving God would not allow bad things to happen to good people.”

Not believing that God would allow bad things to happen to people that love Christ, is not believing that God is the God of the Bible.

This one is hard. I have heard this when people are suffering. I have heard it when people die.

First, you have to understand that no one is really “good”.  We are all sinners that fall short of the glory of God, which I’ll address in a minute.

Secondly, you have to understand that we will all experience death and suffering. Last I checked, no human has been alive since the beginning of time and is still going strong. You’re going to die. Your loved ones will die. It’s tragic and hard. Death is our disease from the devil. And YES God allows it to happen to us. But for the believer, we know that life under the sun is not the end. Death is not our end. We celebrate the earthly lives and eternal lives of our loved ones that know Him. Our ending is that we get to be with Jesus! And our pain and suffering on this earth are meaningful and we can still see the sovereignty and goodness of God through it all.

If you read the book of Job, you can see that Satan has to ask God for permission to bring death, pain, suffering, and misery into the life of Job. And God says yes.

And the Lord said to Satan, “Behold, all that he has is in your hand. Only against him do not stretch out your hand.” So Satan went out from the presence of the Lord. – Job 1:12

YES. A loving God DOES allow bad things to happen to those that love Him. Maybe our perception of love has been distorted by Hollywood. Maybe we need to look deeper into what the love of God actually is.

God allows “bad things” to happen to Job and these things knit Job’s heart closer to God in the end, because God loves us and wants our hearts. God was after the heart of Job the entire time. God is after our hearts when pain and suffering surround us. God is with us in our pain. He makes us long for a day when there will be no more sickness and disease in heaven with Him.

Here is Job speaking AFTER God allowed “bad” things to happen to him.

I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted. … Therefore I have uttered what I did not understand, things too wonderful for me, which I did not know… I had heard of you by the hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees you; – Job 42

And as Christians, we experience the sufferings of this world, knowing that our God is infinitely greater and working for our good the entire time.

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. – Romans 8:28

“I believe in God, but I think as society changes, God changes too.”

Let me just stop you there. Because no. This does not happen.

God is the only constant amidst all chaos on earth. He is, was, and will be.

He doesn’t look back and think, “Oh man, I shouldn’t have let them write that in the Bible. If only I could find a way to erase it! I know I’m God and all, but I just can’t figure out how to delete that part.”

No. Nope. His promises stand. He is unwavering and unchanging.

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. – Hebrews 13:8

God is not man, that he should lie, or a son of man, that he should change his mind. Has he said, and will he not do it? Or has he spoken, and will he not fulfill it? – Numbers 23:19

What He says still stands today. And your opinions on how God should adapt to our society actually won’t affect Him at all. Your ideas are not better than His. Sorry. And if you believe that God changes with your society and your “profound” ideas, then you aren’t believing that God is the God of the Bible.

“I’m a pretty good person and don’t think I need anything to cleanse me of my sins, since I don’t really have any big ones.”

If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us. -1 John 1:8-10

Back to all people sinning and falling short of the glory of God. You might absolutely be a morally “good” person according to societal standards. You probably haven’t murdered anyone or committed adultery, right?

Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him 1 John 3:15

‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. Matthew 5:27-28

God goes deeper than what looks “good” on paper. He digs down into your heart. We are told that even if we have hated or been angry at another human, that we have committed murder in our hearts.


This is what He means when He says that all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.

We have all lied. Been angry. Some of us have LITERALLY murdered people. The sin lists are endless.

We are all on an equal playing field here.

And Jesus so lovingly died on the cross to offer all to believe that His blood will wash away even the smallest of sins and largest of sins.

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. –Ephesians 2:8-9

God doesn’t place us all next to each other and compare our “good deeds” with one another. He doesn’t say, “Okay. Top 25 people that have done good things will get into heaven, the rest of you are out of here!”

He offers His blood for the literal murderer and the person that has murdered in his heart. His compassion, and grace, and mercy wash over us and He offers us beautiful forgiveness through our faith. THAT is a loving God.

And He teaches us the sweetest lessons daily as we walk with Him and try to be more like Him.

Believing that you are not a sinner and that God doesn’t need to save you, is not believing in the God of the Bible.

“Okay. So if all of your sins are forgiven, can you just go sin and sin and sin for your entire life and then just ask for forgiveness on your deathbed?”

Kind of, but no. The only way that situation would work would be if God actually saved you on your deathbed and that was the moment that you believed or it was a genuine confession.

As believers, we are constantly being molded and changed by God. We are becoming more and more like Him. It doesn’t happen overnight. But it slowly happens. When someone is saved by Christ, we slowly start to see them yearn for more of Him. We see them desire to be more like Christ. We slowly see their lives change. While they still may be struggling with sin, it slowly trickles its way out of their lives. They are sifted. They are no longer slaves to their sin! They live under the grace and mercy of God and trust in His forgiveness. They become grateful for His love and desire to live a life for Him. We can recognize them by their fruits.

What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? By no means! How can we who died to sin still live in it? Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life… We know that our old self[a] was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin… 15 What then? Are we to sin because we are not under law but under grace? By no means! 16 Do you not know that if you present yourselves to anyone as obedient slaves,[c] you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin, which leads to death, or of obedience, which leads to righteousness? 17 But thanks be to God, that you who were once slaves of sin have become obedient from the heart to the standard of teaching to which you were committed, 18 and, having been set free from sin, have become slaves of righteousness – Romans 6

“I believe some things in the Bible, but not all of it. A lot of the things in the Old Testament are hard to believe.”

Well, it doesn’t matter what you “think” about the Bible. Because the Bible just is what it is. You can’t wish things out of it. Did you just think that you can pick and choose which things God meant and which ones He didn’t? Do you think He is going to listen to your opinion and change things up a bit?

The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God will stand forever. – Isaiah 40:8

I don’t know about you, but I serve a big God that knows EXACTLY what He wanted written. He is sovereign even over the tiniest details.

This is where actually taking the time to sit down and try to understand God’s word comes into play. If you took the time, you would understand how the Old Testament is the old covenant and that Christ came to fulfill the laws and give us the new covenant. If you have no idea what I am talking about, maybe it’s time to delve into scripture.

All this to say, try to understand Him more. Get to know Him more. Be cautious of making your own God instead of believing in the God of the Bible.  Get to know your God. Get to understand the way His love works. Trust in Him, even when the world around you is collapsing. Your God is steady. Your God is faithful. Your God will not abandon you. Your God is constant. Your God is steadfast. Your God is everlasting. Your God is the alpha and the omega. Your God is the beginning and the end. Your God’s kingdom will not be shaken. Your God is sovereign over all. Your God is powerful.

Your God is love.

Even when it doesn’t make sense.

He’s always been faithful.

This month has been hard. I feel as though my heart and mind have been physically wrung out. I recently entered into a season (hopefully a short season) of grief and pain. I have been surrounded by death and the hope for life. This month has been hard.

I felt anxiety try to wring out the peace and patience from my soul.

I felt sorrow try to wring out the joy from my heart.

I felt grief try to wring out the trust in God from my mind.

My body was physically and emotionally drained.

And yet, my God lingered still.

The Holy Spirit led me to force feed myself scriptures, even when I didn’t want to believe the words I was reading. Last night, I was worshipping and praying and pouring my heart out to my God. Desiring to trust in Him more, desiring to understand His ways, desiring to be comforted by Him.

And of course He lovingly responds. He reminded me of His story. His big picture. He reminds me that He was faithful to Joseph, Joshua, Moses, Rahab, Esther, Job, Hannah, Daniel, Mary, Paul, Peter, and the woman at the well.

Not only WAS He faithful. He is faithful STILL. Even though I can’t see it.

He restored the trust, peace, patience, and joy. He never let them leave me. He was faithful. He will be faithful to me.

He reminded me that I believe in a good God. I believe. I know. I am confident that He is a good, steadfast, faithful God.

And he is all I need.

Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. – Romans 12:12

I waited patiently for the Lord; He inclined to me and heard me cry. – Psalms 40:1

I remember your name in the night, O Lord. – Psalms 119:55

the story far greater than mine.

QoR8Bv1S2SEqH6UcSJCA_TeaA story.

We all have one.

Each believer has a story that tells of when and how Christ met them and saved them. Our different testimonies are all over the map. And somehow, we all place our story on a “most dramatic to least dramatic spectrum”. We mistakenly place value on stories. Some people have stories of redemption from drugs and alcohol. Some people have stories of God saving them from prostitution. Some people have stories of being saved when they were 9 years old. Some people have stories of redemption from living like a “good, moral person” instead of living in a relationship with Christ.

They are all beautiful, well written stories.

What saddens my heart, is when people are ashamed of their story. They place worth on their story.

I’ve heard women start their testimony with, “Well, I don’t have a really significant story but…”

On the other hand, I’ve seen women hold back from sharing because they are incredibly embarrassed of their life pre-Jesus.

I’ve seen women place themselves on this “dramatic” scale and compare their stories to those around them.

But guys, we are all part of the same story. The story of God. The story of redemption of man. The story of our mighty savior.

Not only that, but God wrote each little story of us within His larger story so delicately. He put effort into writing YOUR life. Be proud of who He is and what He has done in your heart regardless of what it looks like next to someone else’s. The value of your story lies in the value of your God. We need to have a kingdom view of our stories. If we don’t look at the bible as one big story, we miss out on the big picture of what God is doing.

For example, you can read the story of David and look at it as just this little guy with a little rock who became a murderer and then learned a lot in the process of seeking the Lord. OR you can look at the story of David as a small part of the bigger story, The Bible, our God. You can see God working in the life of David and how He carries out His promises from generation-to-generation. In the same way, we can look at our lives like this. We get the honor of having kingdom vision and get to see the work the Lord is doing through us for His glory, no matter our story.

In reality, we are all in need of Jesus just as much as the person next to us. The ex-prostitute and the 9 year old who will grow up in church her whole life are both sinners who have fallen short of the glory of God. They both need the blood of Jesus to cover them.

Let us be rid of the “dramatic” spectrum and hold on to the fact that we are all part of the same great drama.

We get the honor of being part of God’s story even when we can’t see the end result or how it all works together.

Praise God for your story! Thank you for using each of our lives for your honor and glory and for knowing us so deeply.

even the hairs of your head are all numbered -Matthew 10:30

a season of drought.


I taste it often. The dryness. The thirst.

The desert.

I have been living in a desert for a few months now.

Where are you, God? Have you abandoned me? Why do I not feel your Holy Spirit?

Honestly, I have CHOSEN to live in the desert. I have chosen to not read His word. I have chosen to not get to know His character by reading about Him. I have chosen to watch The Real Housewives in my alone time instead of spending time on my knees in prayer.

There are absolutely seasons when God places us in the desert to mold us and sharpen us, but then there are times I choose to BE in the desert. Like, I just stay there and whine like a little girl throwing a temper tantrum instead of doing something about it.

Where are you, God? Have you abandoned me? Why do I not feel your Holy Spirit?

I AM HERE. You only need to seek me. Just come BE with me. Just come learn about me. Just come.

A Psalm of David, when he was in the wilderness of Judah. O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water. – Psalm 63:1

You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.” -Jeremiah 29:13

And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him. -Hebrews 11:6

to the stay-at-home-mom, the dad in the Army, the busy business lady, the kid still in college, the preacher, and the fill-in-the-blank.

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You probably have a title. A title that either you or society have bestowed upon you. I hope you know that these titles do not hold your identity or worth. You are more than that. You have a job. You all have the SAME job. Here is your job description:

Love the Lord. Share the gospel. Show others the love of the Lord. Show others the grace and mercy of Jesus Christ. We could go into more detail but you get my point.

Sometimes we forget our job.

We become wrapped up in the work that we are or aren’t doing and we recklessly measure our work next to the work that others are doing.

We look at the family that is able to adopt and feel like a failure because we can’t afford to.

We look at the people that write books about Jesus and feel like a failure because we can’t even comprehend writing one chapter, let alone an entire book.

We look at the dad that works in his hometown and prays at dinner with his family every night and we feel like a failure because we are busy protecting our country and just can’t be there.

We look at the business lady that is working incredibly hard to help provide for her family and we feel like a failure because we can’t afford to send our kids to the same schools that she does.

We look at the person that runs a non-profit to help the homeless and we feel like a failure because we wouldn’t even know where to start.

We look at the mom that gets to stay home and be involved in the community and show her kids firsthand what it means to serve the impoverished and we feel like a failure because we spend 40 hours a week in an office and pray for time to make a meal and take a shower.

We look at the missionary who sold their home to be in a high crime area of the world to spread the gospel and we feel like a failure because we have a church we have to teach in in our low-crime all-American neighborhood every Sunday.


We forget that God has predetermined the boundaries of our dwelling place. He has put us in positions that we are in so that we may do our real job. Share the gospel. Show others the grace and mercy of Jesus Christ. Don’t compare your work to the work of others, because in the end, it’s not even about work. It’s about your heart being deeply rooted in Christ and the work is just the outpour of it all.

I have a friend that has this beautiful outlook on the things we as believers do with our time. She works at a church youth group. She is literally paid to proclaim the name of Jesus. Her husband is a med student. He is not paid to proclaim the name of Jesus. But you know what she calls his time in medical school? His MINISTRY.

We need to listen to what God has called our ministry to be in our present situations. Where has He placed you? Who can you live out the gospel in front of? Co-workers? Your children? Your church? The homeless? The crime-ridden country across the ocean?

Your ministry may look completely different to that of someone else. But listen to God and not to the world. Listen to what He is calling you to. Try to see the big picture through His eyes.

God sees the tapestry being woven from the front. We are each pulling a thread and are so busy comparing the other threads to our own. It looks messy on this side of things. But to the Lord, it is a magnificent and intricately woven tapestry with all different sorts of threads.

When we see our lives through the eyes of God, the juxtaposition of different ministries becomes more clear and captivating. And our ministries finally become about Him.


For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. –Ephesians 2:8-10

For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned.  For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function,  so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another. Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them: -Romans 12:3