The night you entered our lives is a memory that will forever be engrained in my heart. This is your story, my girl. The story of the day God brought you earthside, I hope to carry His love and gospel to the next generation.
I remember the moment I found out you existed in my body. I wanted you. I wanted another baby so bad. Your daddy wanted you. The month before, I held up a pregnancy test every which way to a vast array of lighting in hopes of finding that magical line. I was heartbroken to not find one.
The next month, there it was. I Facetimed your Aunt Greer immediately, because she had been on the roller coaster ride with me and I was excited to inform my best friend so we could come up with ways to tell your dad.
Your pregnancy was much smoother than it was with Ezra. I didn’t have much morning sickness and carried on as usual.
In retrospect, I was afraid for most of it. I had had people close to me experience the loss of a baby or a miscarriage. I was afraid that would happen to me too and tried not to get too attached just yet. I hate that I spent the first half being afraid. But oh! Then I felt your first kicks. I was taking a bath when I felt you. It was just you and me. God sent me your kicks at the perfect time in order to calm my fears.
Most of your pregnancy was smooth. I had had a natural birth without drugs with your brother, and wanted that for you as well. The benefits of going natural seemed to outweigh medicated births for myself, but mostly for you! Unfortunately, I learned that I had placenta previa and there were talks of C-section, should it not move. This made me nervous, because I had desired to have a natural birth for the sake of my baby. Your daddy prayed over my belly. My midwife gave me a reassuring hug as I cried in her arms. She had the same thing happen to her and it ended with a healthy home birth! I was so encouraged and knew she was sent by the Lord to reassure me. Her hug was like a hug from God to remind me that all would be well. (And my placenta finally moved! It beat the statistics of when it usually moves!)
About 7 days before your birth, I had a small fall and felt like my pelvic floor had ripped open. I spent the next 24 hours in bed trying to recover and rest. I went to see my midwife and she assured me that you were okay and that you had plenty of amniotic fluid. About 2 days later, I started noticing more fluid that usual was escaping me. I kept calling my midwives and then would change my mind and think everything was fine. Finally on the 5th day of leaking, a midwife asked me to come in to just be sure everything was alright.
Side note: this group of midwives were phenomenal. The love and care they had for me throughout both of my pregnancies was incredible. They would see me in the middle of the night if I had any concerns. I love them and I am so grateful that they helped bring you into this world.
I went in to the birthing center around 12 p.m. to go check to see if my water was broken. Sure enough, it was. Since it had been over 24 hours with broken water, I was to be sent to the hospital immediately in case you or I developed an infection from the sac being broken so long.
I scurried home to throw things in a hospital bag, called your daddy, and called your Papa to come meet me at the hospital to pick up Ezra.
I was so glad to be transferred into the care of hospital midwives because I knew they would try to help me achieve as natural a birth as possible without drugs.
Around 4 p.m., a midwife came in and informed me of what was to happen. They were going to try to induce me with a balloon that dilates the cervix. They said that doesn’t USUALLY kickstart labor (but it can) and after that they would start trying different drugs. (cervadil and then pitocin I think, not that you care.)
I was determined to have a drug-free birth and the Lord knew the desires of my heart! I knew that moving around and not laying down would be more likely to help you get into a position to want to be birthed. I did NOT. LAY. DOWN. I put on worship music and danced and swayed. I walked the halls. I bounced on a birthing ball. (Aunt Greer showed up in the middle of this with the most glorious muffins to snack on pre and post birth, by the way. She and Uncle Drew surprised us!)
I remember a nurse walking in and I was incredibly discouraged and thinking I would have to go the route of using drugs. I asked her what the chances are of me going into labor with the balloon alone and she was not reassuring and it sounded like it rarely did. Little did I know, I was having steady contractions at that moment. I had come to terms with the fact that I might need drugs to get you out of there, but I was still determined!
Contractions started coming hard and fast. Since my water was broken, the contractions were especially painful. I am so grateful that they began without any drugs! That was a gift from God to me!
I was nervous about having a new set of midwives and nurses around me. People that I didn’t know. But the Lord sent me an angel in the form of a nurse to comfort me through that! She was singing worship music right alongside me and praying with me and I think I tuned everyone out but her. She got the rest of her births covered so she could come stay by my side.
I told another nurse that I was ready to push and she doubted it and didn’t even check to see what was happening. I just remember thinking, “Well, I’m pushing, sooo….”
Sure enough, she was WRONG and I was indeed in active labor and was starting to push. Active labor lasted 45 minutes total with you. During your birth and your brother’s, the only drug I accepted was citrus oxide, because it is apparently safe during birth. I requested it and it helped so much with the pain but still allowed me to feel everything and push effectively.
In the 4th hour of the morning, you finally made your appearance. And the size of my heart multiplied.
They placed you on my chest and you weren’t crying at all. You were calm in the midst of the chaos. I think I even asked if anything was wrong because you weren’t crying. I’ve come to learn that that is just your personality.
You are almost a year old now and you are still the calm in the midst of the chaos. You are incredibly sweet and bubbly. You are full of joy! You are full of joy no matter the circumstance. You are independent and yet full of cuddles. You go with the flow and love your family.
I am so grateful that God blessed us with you. You are a gift from Him that we feel undeserving of. You are the perfect addition to our family. We love you, sweet girl. I pray you glorify His name all the days of your life. I’m so glad you are here..